Pause first
Suspicion is an intense emotion and often leads to hasty, poor decisions. Going through messages, questioning your spouse suddenly or getting into their phone can harm both the relationship and your legal position. A few days' pause helps you separate facts from feelings.
Examine your suspicion
Ask yourself: is the basis of the suspicion a concrete event or a general feeling? Could there be another explanation for the change in behaviour (workload, health, family problems)? Talking with someone close to you often brings clarity.
Options
- A direct and calm conversation
- Support from a family counsellor or psychologist
- Legal opinion from a lawyer
- If needed, a lawful observation
These options are not mutually exclusive. Talking and getting support often come before observation.
What not to do
Do not install spyware on your spouse's phone, enter their accounts, place devices in their car or harass through third parties. These can be offences and can work against you in a later divorce case. See our article is spouse surveillance legal for details.
Safety first
If there is violence, threat or fear, secure your safety first: in an emergency call 112 or 155; for victims of violence there are ALO 183 and the KADES app. Observation or evidence gathering must not come before your safety.
